Perform, Direct, Co-Edit, Co-Write, Compose
Premiered to audience of 650 at “March Salomadness”
Requested by NBC to be featured on the TODAY SHOW
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Zachary.Bornstein@gmail.com
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Recent Posts
How to Pick Up Women
“The best way to pick up women—besides the chop ’n hoist, of course—is to bend your knees, reach around them, clasp your fingers together, and then—this is important—lift with your legs, not your back.
“If they’re too heavy, it’s easier to pick up only one woman at a time—think about it—and much easier with the aid of a simple machine, such as a lever—you know, like a jimmy bar or something—or inclined plane—that’d work, too. Read More »
Finalist - FOX Comedy Script Competition (25 out of ~1000 entries)
Part of the 2011 New York Television Festival
Winner gets FOX development deal
Co-Written, Co-Directed, Filmed, Edited, Starred (As Zack)
Short Live-Action Film on 16mm
Co-Written, Co-Directed, Filmed
Won Best Picture at Columbia University National Undergraduate Film Festival
300+ live audience in Providence, RI
Over 15,500 views in the first day
Thanks Reddit Videos for upvoting it to frontpage
As they prepare to join the workforce, many seniors struggle with the decision whether to pursue creative passions or careers promoting known evils.
“There’s nothing more rewarding than seeing a smile spread across a student’s face at the end of a good art lesson,” said Anna Rufus ‘12, who will lobby congress this summer to reduce education spending in order to appease Fortune 500 stockholders or else be replaced by one of thousands of others willing to do whatever is necessary. “Inspiring a zest for learning in young people is the most important thing we can do.”
“But being an art teacher would probably be really hard,” continued Rufus. “Do they even get health benefits?”
Susan, dear, listen. Look at me. You can’t blame yourself. You’re not the one who’s fallen in love with the thought of a butcher knife slicing into the sweet heart of a freshly deceased elk. You’re not the one who’s intoxicated by carve after carve, each stroke another tendon deeper into the red flesh of a grass-fed wild beast. You’re not the one who’s enthralled by late nights sawing and sectioning tender steaks into proper shipping receptacles. You’re not the one whose every moment spent outside the meat freezer or the carving bench feels like a thousand thousand moments wasted. That’s me. Please Susan, look at me, don’t be scared. It’s not you. It’s meatpacking. Read More »
Christina Penniweather ’13 and Edward Montgomery ’12 exchanged feelings of mutual adoration last Saturday reversing the longstanding belief that love was something that could be given but never returned.
For centuries, scholars equated love with bitter loneliness, rash decisions, psychosis and feeble attempts at attaining the unattainable, but Penniweather and Montgomery have challenged that long-held belief.
Okay, so you’re going to want to make a left on George Street, past that big church with a white fence, after that, make a right onto Washington Boulevard, and go straight for a while then GO TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT!
A breakthrough finding published last week in the journal Science reported that if you think about it, the knee joint is in fact just like an elbow — but for your leg.
A computation model put forth by a joint think-tank of cognitive kneeologists at MIT and Oxford asserts that if this conclusion were verified, it would further predict that ankles are like wrists for your legs and, furthermore, that toes are like fingers for your feet. Read More »
Ten shots of Bacardi were distributed Wednesday to each of over ninety intoxicated minors at the most recent “Sigma Brothers and Sluts-Who-Don’t-Have-Class-Tomorrow” tri-weekly fraternity party to commemorate the life of a freshman who had passed away earlier at the party by taking ten shots of Bacardi.
The Sigma Chi national chapter enacted the “Rule of Commemorative Shots” last month to prevent drinking deaths from disrupting party atmosphere. Read More »